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Perfect Love

Today going about my day like any other day....because it's what I always do.
Everyday, I ask God to help me know how His love really feels, everyday, I ask
for more. In expectation. Waiting....I really would've waited til I was 80 to just
feel it for a moment, BUT since God loves me haha he didn't make me wait
that long.
Tonight at bible study, we talked about Purification and the difference between
being forgiven and being cleansed.
Being forgiven.....(hold on while i whip out my notes)....
Okay, complete forgiveness of sins cancels the penalty of sin & therefore
providing our escape from hell. ( read that again and slooowly) AND
The cleansing of sin cancels the GUILT of sin & therefore providing
escape from torments of conscience.
Get it, so once you've genuinely asked for forgiveness...
YOU are forgiven, so don't look back ;)
It is a feel guilty...because you don't believe you are forgiven.
Get it, got it...good.
So ANYWAY, we wrote on a piece of paper just things we have dug underneath
forgetting them, forgetting they once existed, shoving them in the dark
and making an excuse for them.
So i totally thought I was covered, and really, seriously thought I didn't have anything to
say to God, because i every night i literally lay in bed, talking to Him.
So i prayed and prayed for God to show me SOMETHING....and haha ohhhh man
things that i definitely shoved in the deepest corner rooms of my mind came up.
But right before it did, let me show you the verse that came up.....
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins,
and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we
make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us" 1John 1:9-10
Haha...can you imagine?
So we marked our pages with this verse on it in big black letters and torn it
to shreds, and seriously I am not even just saying this, the second i looked
at my paper with the big black letters and believed what it said....It made
something in me click and felt like a layers of skin came off  me.
Best feeling yet.
Okay yada yada yada....on with the night......
Overflow came. Overflow is a worship service we have every Tuesday at this church
down the road-ish. They turn out the lights and just have the most amazing worship.
So anyhaw, tonight I just asked God to just lay [his love on me.]
Let me tell you, NEVER ask for something from God you are not ready for, NOT that
i wasn't, but just saying. This song came on about 'Perfect Love' and was just
saying that His perfect love is ALWAYS there, and I just bursted into tears for
I could NOT hold it in. So, I have NOT cried in a long while and i was seriously
just sobbing and weeping so much, to the point i can barely hold myself
up. Then....he showed me.....
He showed everything around me falling apart...literally.
Everything around me was turning into rubble, was just complete chaos but right in
front of me....He held o to me...tight. Not letting me go...and it was then that I realized that
if He isn't in my life, it's because I chose Him not to be. Like, who are we?
What does He need from us? Nothing. He's God, but yet he chooses to chase us,
and like Idiots.....we run.  I don't know but at this point, University life is totally opposite
of what I expected. But seriously, it's all about you. You can either let the fact that
you are away from everyone who loves and you can do whatever, go to your head
or take care of yourself, because all those people who love you back at love.
I choose the latter.
Choose Perfect Love.
Could it jack you up even more than you are?
I doubt it.

If some parts did not make sense, i hardly proof read this and
it's passed my bed time. xoxo


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